Ladies and gentleman, gather ’round – the ultimate pick up line has been revealed. After years of sifting through online dating material, my research has come across the surefire way to get a woman to respond to your OKCupid message.
You ready for it? Brace yourself.
Talk about your dick.
Copy. Paste. Repeat.
[Aside: I live nowhere near Ohio. And the copy-paste makes me think he sends this message to women all over. Fake account, perhaps? Double dick points.]
And don’t let their questionable IQ get in the way of their stupendous tallywacker:
I mean, I thought he looked like a normal man in his profile pictures, but he’s only 8.5″ tall! He must be a Guinness World Record holder. Plus, he has a penis pump and can reach things on the top shelf for me. Did you hear that collective panty drop?
Here’s another example of the big schlong/faulty sarcasm-reader combo. This specimen added the unique flare of baiting interest first:
Why, what sort of thoughtful, intelligent, engaging rhetoric is he going to blow me away with?
Ah yes, the ol’ appeal to my love for the fetishization of my body! Yesss, perfect. Execute more of my crass wit. How will this one fare?
How adorable. But remember, he has a 9″ anaconda!
He gets dick points for holding out hope where there was none.
Thanks for the laughs, guys.
Click here for more online dating snafus in the Hall of OKStupid.
The Lonely Tribalist 
So glad I popped in to see what you’ve been doing… “I fear my mewling quim might swallow you whole” – my cheeks and jaw ache. Oh, how they ache. Thanks for the laugh!
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*curtsy* Glad to share the laughs!
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I’m composing some of my gems. coming up soon
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You’re awesome. I’m not that clever when I get such messages.
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Thank you. Doesn’t take much to out-clever these guys, though 😉
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Yes, that’s true. I’m just not always the snappy comeback sort of person. On the other hand, when I do have a snappy comeback, it’s often very good. LOL
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‘mewling quim’. Hmm. Thatz new2me. Thanks4sharing how you met Moose.
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These make me cringe on so many level lmao
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Writing up this post, I had to take cringe breaks.
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😂😂😂
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I see I’m totally using the wrong lines
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