Happy Birthday, Moose: A Photo Essay (Where All My Freebies At?)

Moose’s birthday was yesterday, December 8th.

We slept in and proceeded to get a free birthday drink from Starbucks.

Moose free Starbucks birthday drink | The Lonely Tribalist

Afterwards, we hopped on over to Firehouse Subs for a free birthday sandwich. A cool waxed-mustachioed dude recommended the “Hero” sandwich. We split a large. So freaking juicy, tender, and 4.5 stars delicious.

Moose firehouse subs free birthday lunch | The Lonely Tribalist

We stopped by Dutch Bros. for a free birthday drink from them. We ordered a white chocolate mocha. Made Michelle’s tummy ache, but again, delicious. Moose’s Dutch Bros. virginity is joyously popped by the ever effervescent drive-thru staff.

Next item on the docket: glow-in-the-dark alien invasion themed miniature golf (because duh). It being a Tuesday evening with stormy weather outside and record flooding in major parts of the metro area, we had all 18 holes to ourselves. If someone kept score, Michelle probably won.

Moose glow in the dark alien glowing greens miniature golf | The Lonely Tribalist
Moose showing off his recently contracted case of radioactive balls.

For dinner- wait, there’s a Dutch Bros. Must get another free drink. Let’s go for something cold, like a strawberry smoothie with extra whipped cream on top. “How old are you today?” They cheerfully ask. “Counting back from 30, 23,” Moose replies. It doesn’t really make sense, but they agreeably laugh anyway.

Moose free Dutch Bros birthday drink | The Lonely Tribalist

For dinner, we go to a nice small restaurant attached to a theater where we once saw The Crucible together. The Venetian in Old Town/Downtown Hillsboro. We don’t come here very often. They offer $16.99 off your bill. Oh, the waitress says they recently changed it to $11.99 off. That’s still a good deal. We order ravioli and a meat medley pasta with a Stella Artois. Some of the most orgasmic pasta we’ve had in ages. The waitress is from New Jersey and has the accent to prove it. She was kinda rad.

Moose Birthday Dinner | The Lonely Tribalist

We are stuffed like a couple of Thanksgiving turkeys. But Michelle makes a final request: one more Dutch Bros. run? Moose laughs loudly in the small venue of the restaurant and agrees. Michelle gets a large chai tea that she sips off of and then saves for the morning. Moose solidifies his newfound love for Dutch Bros. culture. (Mwah ha ha)

All in all, we accomplished a full birthday where we spent less than $50, even though the time together was worth a helluva lot more. Here’s to many more memorable, dirt cheap birthdays.

Cheers,
Moose and Michelle

And for anyone in the Portland, OR area, here’s a groovy list of places to get free stuff for your birthday: Portland on the Cheap: Birthday Perks. It’s kept pretty up-to-date. Heads up: many of these perks require you to sign up to an e-mail our join an “exclusive club.” We’ll probably do this in the month before his next birthday and see how much we can glut ourselves. ‘Murrica.

What has been a memorable birthday for you (either your own or someone else’s you partook in)? Any fellow birthday freeloaders out there? Sound off loud and proud in the comments.

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